Mention of this topic brings a host of memories to mind of the impact of social media upon divorce and custody proceedings. Probably the best advice is, DON’T.
First of all, something you should do is let your family and closest friends know that there is a breakup of your relationship in the process. You should probably do this by voice as opposed to in writing. The problem is that a divorce/breakup is usually an embarrassing event in your life, it is a recognition of a failure of dreams. It is not uncommon for even those closest to you to be unaware of what is really gone wrong in your life. You don’t want your soon-to-be ex, if they have evil intent, to be contacting those that are close to you in a manipulative and investigative fashion and succeeding because those people are unaware. The message should be – “Just to let you know, my relationship with ____ is ending, and you should be careful about communications with ____, or even attempting to try to fix the problem. At this point, it is beyond repair and harm will be done if you get involved or provide information.”
1. PRIVACY SETTINGS AND CURIOSITY
Just about anything you post on social media will probably be harmful in one way or another. The problem is a matter of perception. When you are in a trusted relationship, communications are almost always given a positive and trusted spin., until that trusted relationship breaks down. When you are in the opposite of a trusted relationship, just about any communication will be perceived with a negative spin. This will have the impact of pouring gasoline on the fire and potentially causing harm to your job, your business, your relationship with others, your children and your funds.
Another problem is that your post will almost always get out to the other side. Often, your soon-to-be ex is very curious about what you are up to, who are you doing it with, and generally anything about what’s happening, and what you are planning. No matter what your security settings are, someone will have access to the post that may decide to share that post with your ex. You simply are not in control of that.
2. UNFLATTERING IMAGES
What’s even more dangerous is a post by someone else tagging or including you in a picture of a party, drinking, with someone else, or doing something that might have impact upon the court case. You must assume that these kinds of posts will find their way into your court record and be portrayed in the most unflattering way.
3. FAKE PROFILES
You should also keep track of posts that may be fabricated as being originated by you. Keep an eye out for these things. For example, a post that violates on the Facebook/Meta, Twitter, TikTok, Instagram and Twitter companies, may result in you being banned from those platforms.
I have had many cases impacted by social media posts. One very intelligent client of mine insisted that he had a right to post about his “feelings” during a divorce. This cost him an extra attorney’s fees. Another attended a party, was standing next to an attractive lady, that the ex saw, which caused the case to really go south and cost extra money. He wasn’t even involved with that lady. Your children will have access to those posts at some point. I have seen people drinking alcoholic beverages used in court cases. Often, the non-posted spouse is provided a copy of the post by a well-meaning friend that still had access to the post.
Generally, while the case is going on, and afterwards if emotions are raw, just don’t put anything out on social media because it will most likely be interpreted negatively by your ex and that person will do something in response out of hurt feelings, jealousy or spite.
The Team at TeamWorks has the expertise to help you learn these strategies of what to do and not do during a divorce. Contact us to schedule an appointment at 858-675-9225 or attend our FREE TeamWorks workshops twice a month.
